Traditionally, a Bridesmaid was a decoy. The origins of this go back to the "kidnap" of the bride by the groom and his family. The Bridesmaids were the decoys to try to stop this "kidnap".

As time progressed, their role has changed – and also been misinterpreted.

The Maid of Honour is the Chief Bridesmaid. It is she that has the job of keeping all the other attendants in order (and upright). A Matron of Honour was traditionally a married female of the Groom's family, and it was her main job to introduce the Bride to the Groom's family at the wedding.

150 years ago, a big formal wedding party would contain the following people:

1 Bride

1 Groom

1 Matron of Honour

1 Best Man

1 Maid of Honour

Bridesmaids (usually about 4)

Groomsmen (enough to be 1 per Bridesmaid)

Flower Girl

Page Boy

As you can see, this was quite a procession!

Fortunately, times have changed and things have become a little easier. Now, you usually find the following:

1 Bride

1 Groom

1 Matron of Honour or Maid of Honour

1 Best Man

Bridesmaids (usually 2 at most)

Groomsmen (again – enough to be 1 per Bridesmaid

Flower Girl

Still – it is quite a few. Moreover, that brings us back to who runs this crowd?

In a modern wedding, the Matron of Honour is usually a married female who the Bride wants as a Bridesmaid, so her role as the "introducer of the Bride" has faded away. Sometimes, she is not even the Chief Bridesmaid (or Maid of Honour), and one of the other Bridesmaids is this.

To answer the question: at a modern wedding, the Chief Bridesmaid (who may or may not the Matron of Honour – and may choose not to call herself the Maid of Honour) runs it – and is usually answerable to the Mother of the Bride.

She generally has to get together with the Best Man to arrange for things like the rehearsal to go off well, and to ensure timing of all other events that the Best Man is responsible for is known to the Bride and her Bridesmaids.

So, here is a list of the responsibilities of both the Chief Bridesmaid and the Bridesmaids – before and on the day.

• arrange for the makeup and hairdressing appointments for the wedding party
• ensure that all bridesmaids dresses fit correctly, and that shoes are appropriate
• ensure that all monies payable for these are collected from the other bridesmaids and given to the bride
• Discuss with the bride, the groom and the Best Man the timing of events at the reception (eg cutting the cake) and also the order in which they would like the bridal procession (bridesmaids first, bride first, etc).
• Ensure that any wedding presents to be on display have the recipients cards with them. Write on the card what the gift was, and the return address of the recipient(this will aid the Bride in doing her thank you notes)
• Arrive at the rehearsal about 15 minutes early.
• About 3 days before – confirm the flowers. The day before, confirm the time of delivery, or pick them up yourself.
• Introduce yourself to the flower girl and her parents.

• Be available for your makeup and hairdressing appointments and have the money ready to pay for it when required.
• Try on your dress and shoes (together). If there are any problems, let the Bride and Chief Bridesmaid know immediately so that it can be fixed.
• Ensure that any money you have to pay for dress, shoes, makeup, hairdressing is paid when required.
• Assist the Chief Bridesmaid with the display of wedding presents, etc.
• Be on time (preferably about 5 minutes early) to the rehearsal

• Wakeup calls to the Bridesmaids to ensure that they get to their hairdressing/makeup appointment on time. Arrange for transportation for those that require it.
• Have a good shower – you won't get another one today until you go to bed.
• Arrive about 10 minutes early for hairdressing/makeup appointment to assist those persons in identifying the parties concerned.
• After hairdressing/makeup done and back at Bride's house (or wherever you are all getting ready), assist the Bride into her gown and help to arrange veil.
• Ensure all flowers are there, and that each person knows who they belong to.
• Dress, and ensure that all the Bridesmaids are dressed as well.
• Help the flower girl to get dressed. She is in your charge now until after the ceremony
• Ensure that Bride, Bridesmaids, and Flower Girl are ready for initial photos.
  
  

• Set your alarm and make sure that you get up in plenty of time.
• Have a good shower – you won't get another one today until you go to bed.
• Arrive on time for your hairdressing/makeup appointment
• Provide assistance to Bride and Flower girl in getting dressed.
• Ensure that you know where your flowers are
• Be ready at all times to assist where needed
• Break up the fight between the flower girl and the page. Clean them up.

• Help the Bride to compose herself.
• Ensure that the music, etc., is all OK
• Be ready for processional. Remind everybody of where they march
• Keep an eye on that flowergirl.
• Witness the signing of the register
• Gather up the Bridesmaids, and the flowergirl, for the march back down the aisle.
• Ensure that everybody is where they need to be for after-ceremony photos
• Hand that dratted flowergirl back to her owners

• Help the Bride to compose herself
• Be ready for the processional. Know the order you are to march in.
• Keep an eye on the flowergirl.

• Do not wander off – get ready for the march back down the aisle.
• Remain in place for the after ceremony photos
• Arrange for a groomsman to get the flowergirl off the roof.

• Make sure that all members of the wedding party know where they are sitting
• Ensure that all is in readiness for the cutting of the cake (knife, plates, etc).
• Accept and store gifts on behalf of the Bride and Groom
• Do not drink a lot – you will need a clear head. Your work is not yet done.
• Keep an eye on the bridesmaids.
• Be ready to dance with the Best Man
• When the cake cutting ceremony is done, ensure that all guests get a piece of cake. If there is no waiting staff, the Bridesmaids should hand round the slices.
• Organise the Bridesmaids to help handing round the cake.
• Be ready to help the Bride to change from her wedding gown to her going away outfit.
• Ensure that the gifts are safely taken to the home of the Bride's Parents for safekeeping until the Bride and Groom come back from their honeymoon.

• Do not drink a lot – you will need a clear head. Your work is not yet done.
• Help the Chief Bridesmaid accept gifts and store them on behalf of the Bride and Groom
• Be prepared to dance with your partnering Groomsman
• Assist in handing round the pieces of wedding cake
• Be ready to help the Bride change from her wedding gown to her going away outfit.

So as you can see, it is a hard job to be a Bridesmaid – let alone a Maid or Matron of Honour. In addition, it is all things that will help to make the day go a lot better and brighter for the Bride and Groom.

Bridesmaids (of all persuasions and ranks) should also keep their eyes open for anything that needs to be done and do it.

As I said, it is a lot of work – but is very rewarding.

For Brides: this will help you to choose your Bridesmaids, and will help you to tell them what you need them to do.

For Bridesmaids: this will go some way in letting you know exactly what you are in for.