A Working Mother's Guilt
by Barb Niehaus
"Working Mother's Guilt"" is a dilemma that millions of
women face daily. Dropping off the kids at daycare for
8+ hours a day tends to frazzle a parent's nerves. If you have
a child that suffers from separation anxiety, you can relate to
the mom who barely makes it back to the car without
bawling and spends the entire work day mentally replaying
the early morning scene.
A recent poll stated that 73% of all working moms
envision telecommuting as the ideal working arrangement,
at least on a part-time basis.
I have had the privilege of working from home since my first
of four was a newborn. So, why do I still grapple with guilt?
Is it that women still feel the need to be a 24/7 mom? Weren't
we raised that our first and foremost priority is our family?
If we take time out for work or ourselves (gasp!), are we
denying our kids quality time that could/should be spent with
them?
My mom was a stay- at- home mom of four kids. Every day I knew
that she would be waiting at the front door to greet me and ask how
my day went. My friends who had working moms envied that I
didn't have to go home to an empty house or sitter.
When I discovered that I was pregnant, I knew that the 9 to 5
ratrace was not for me. I wanted to be a "hands on" parent and
be there every day for my family. Not working was not an option,
however. Our family situation is one that necessitates two incomes.
So, when my boss offered me the opportunity to work from home,
I was estatic!
Initially, the majority of my workload could be completed while
my son napped or after he was down for the evening.
Fast forward five years later and our family now consisted of four
little ones under the age of 6. My family's demands were escalating
at the same pace as my workload. I soon realized that I would
need some outside help to keep up with both. This equated to
hiring a sitter several days per week providing me with
interrrupted time to complete looming work deadlines. While
I knew that my kids were entertained and in capable hands with
my sitter, I still experienced that nagging guilt feeling on the days
they were gone. I felt as though I were selling out - after all, my
main goal in telecommuting was to be available to my family.
Now that all four are in school full time 9 months a year, the
balancing act has eased up somewhat. The majority of my work
is completed before they awaken and while they're at school.
3:30 p.m. in our house signals for me to stop work and transform
into my "mom" mode. This becomes the time solely devoted to
my family's needs; albeit, homework, extracurricular activities or
just hanging out with them.
With summer break form school rapidly approaching, I anticipate
a resurgance of guilt. Unfortunately,a common misconception on their part
is, "We're off for the summer. Aren't you, Mom? Can't you spend
more time with us?" Yes, I do earnestly attempt to cut back on my
working hours but my deadlines are still the same no matter what
season. I try to rouse myself before dawn to get several hours logged
before they are up. Some tasks can be performed via my laptop
sitting at the pool or at a table at our neighborhood park. When I
need absolute concentration time to focus on a priority project, that's
when a teen is hired to amuse them for several hours at a time.
After thirteen years, have I learned to conquer the guilt? No, but
I have learned to expect it and deal with it. In order to telecommute
some concessions will have to be made. I may not be able to
spend 24/7 with my kids but I am able to spend the majority
of their time at home with them. I feel like I have been successful in
my search for the "perfect balance between work and family" ,sans
too much guilt.
©2000 Barb Niehaus
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About the author: Barb Niehaus is a veteran telecommuter of 13 years who
is committed to helping others find their "perfect
balance between work and family". To Subscribe to
Barb's Free Daily Newsletter featuring WAH jobs, Business
articles and tips, Freebies and more, momsworkingathome-subscribe@egroups.com
Visit her site at: MOMS-HOME-WORK.COM
