Feature Article

Changing the Face of Divorce
by Paul Volke, Originator and Vice-President of ourfamilywizard.com

I was determined to work as hard as I could to put aside my differences with my former spouse, knowing it is the right thing to do for my children's sake. With this in mind, why was our first Christmas together with my new spouse such a disaster? The accusations were flying back and forth, leaving neither side able to enjoy their holiday season. The children were caught squarely in the middle. How could this happen?

Poor communication with my former spouse lead to a mix up on our calendars causing the worst Christmas and Holiday season I had ever experienced. I was looking forward to the Holidays, for a fresh start and new beginning. I married Dara in July just six months earlier and our blended family was enjoying somewhat of a honeymoon. We were experiencing some glitches in exchanging information and schedules but nothing major had happened to yet.

Holiday planning is emotional and lends to creating mistakes and miscommunications between spouses and especially former spouses. I found myself in that category when my children showed up four days early at our house during the Holiday break. The honeymoon we were enjoying ended abruptly. Dara was in the middle of wrapping gifts, decorating and preparing the house for her parents and the children's arrival. The scheduling mistake grew worse. The children informed me they would still be on a trip to Texas with their mother, when I believed we would be celebrating with my relations. Everyone, including myself, my spouse and former spouse were upset; and the children were experiencing their most awful Holiday ever.

I have read statistics for survival for second of marriages and blending families are not good. I was beginning to understand why. How could everyone's expectations be met in this emotional minefield? I determined advanced planning and accurate information exchange were crucial to managing all of the interdependent relationships formed in blended families.

I turned to technology for the solution. The Internet provided the perfect opportunity for unobtrusive, unemotional, accurate and controlled information exchange with scheduling accountability. I searched the Internet and found bits and pieces of applications I could use, but nothing designed exclusively for the unique relationship of co-parenting. I watched how Dara had been managing a custody relationship with her daughter Emilee. She purchased a large desk calendar and planned for an entire year in advance. She color-coded pink days for mom, and blue days for dad. Emilee liked to know who she would be with and when. Dara and her spouse shared a rigid schedule, my former spouse and I managed a relaxed schedule, both come with consequences. I asked Dara what she thought of a calendar like hers, only online.

Imagine a password protected interactive website where you can't see your former spouses calendar and they can't see yours, however all information about the children is viewable from both households. The most important function I required was the ability to trade and swap days. Dara needed the ability to plan into the future.

We brought our idea to my cousin, Kathy Kissoon, who has been a family law attorney for over twenty years. She was intrigued with the concept and talked the idea over with her son Jai, who had a background in entrepreneurial studies and www.ourfamilywizard.com was born. We began to consult with experts in the area of divorce and family law professionals and then put together a team of programmers and technicians to create an application specifically for supporting the delicate relationship of co-parenting.

After the website was created another unexpected benefit in using the website for information exchange was realized. Asynchronous communication, which can be described as having the time to think and absorb the information you are seeing without responding emotionally.

Our Family Wizard is helping families manage co-parenting relationships, while reducing stress and conflict, and ultimately making life better for kids.