A Special Kind Of Love
by Hilde Schneider-Mott

Thirteen years ago this month, I began a journey that would change my life forever. I became a mother. After long hours of labor, I gave birth to, in my opinion, the most beautiful daughter I could wish for. It was love at first sight. Five months later, something happened that would again change my life forever, and in ways I could never imagine. My daughter was admitted to the hospital after having a seizure. Two days later, my husband and I were given the news: our beautiful child had been born with a major brain defect, resulting in extensive brain damage. We were told that she would be severely handicapped, both mentally and physically, to the extent that she would never be capable of any meaningful interaction on any level.

Devastated, we grieved as though our child had died. And in a sense she had. She was no longer the "perfect" daughter we had grown accustomed to, but a helpless infant with potentially life-threatening conditions. After two weeks, and against the advice of professionals who suggested we should institutionalize her and "get on with our lives," we brought our precious daughter home. Many challenges faced us in the years ahead as we tried to raise our daughter in as normal an environment as possible. And our love for her never waivered. It was totally and completely unconditional. Frequent seizures plagued her, always requiring medical intervention. Middle of the night ambulance rides to the emergency room, and subsequent IV’s, injections and other frightening procedures were not uncommon, and I always accompanied her (her father stayed home with our younger son). Through it all, my daughter would look at me with eyes full of love, and even though she couldn’t speak, I knew she loved me as much as I loved her.

As she approaches her teen years, I reflect back and I remember her "firsts." The first time she rolled over, the first time she sat alone, her first assisted steps, and the first time she said "I love you mama." She was 8 years old and I cried then, as I do now with the memory. Since that day there have been countless "I love yous" and many more challenges, and I know that more of each will come.

Others may look at her and see a severely retarded, physically "crippled" child. I see my beautiful daughter, bright and full of a special love and hope. Someone once said to me, "I don’t know how you do it." I don’t know how I couldn’t.

About the Author: Hilde Schneider-Mott is the webmistress at SingleMOMZ and co-owner of Monkey Island New Media. Parent to two children, one of whom is disabled, she lives and works in rural paradise on an island in Puget Sound.

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