Feature Article
Four Words that change your life forever
"Your Child Has Cancer"
I'm trying to remember my life before my son, Scott, was diagnosed with
Lymphoma. Was is Lymphoma? Lymphoma is when some of the cells in the lymph
system multiply uncontrollably - if all the cells are the same they are
called cancerous.
I can't remember not being frightened. And that in itself is frightening
to me. For those of you who have heard these four words or ones similar,
you know that feeling. Your world stops, you can't believe this is
happening. Not to your child. They don't deserve this, they're so young,
so kind, so loving, so good to people. Why is God doing this, why not one
of the creeps that rape or kill, anyone, just not my child.
Next, you start gathering information. Right to your computer, hundreds of
searches, trying to find only positive articles on what your child has. You
try and find the disease, but you can't even spell it, yet. You look for
positive statements or you don't finish the articles. You can't stop
yourself. I found out that this isn't the best thing to do. Most of the
information I saw was much worse than what Scott actually has. Yes, cancer
is bad, but in different degrees. And so many things have to be taken into
consideration.
Everyone comes to your side, you have a great support group; friends,
family, but they're not sure what to do. Funny thing is, you're not sure
what to do either. You're not the same person you were before you heard
those four little words. Eventually everyone must return to their lives.
Not because they don't care, they just have to. Somewhere in a haze you see
your life when you weren't worried, when you weren't holding your breath,
frightened when the phone rings, always thinking, is this more bad news.
As moms we put on a brave front. "I'm fine, don't worry about me, yes, he's
doing great. He'll beat this". But deep down, down where you can be
yourself, down where no one can hear you say those terrible words, "Will he
make it, will he win this fight?" You always believed in God, but now you
pray. You pray all the time. You make deals with God, let Scott be okay and
I'll ______, you'll give up everything to save your child. You pray for
strength to keep it together. Always the Mom, you want to be able to
comfort your child not them comforting you. Most times you find it hard to
stay happy. I'm not saying we can't be happy, but staying there is more
difficult. I think it's because our thoughts weave in and out, from our
daily activities, work and then, slam, right back to your child. Part of
your heart is always sad. The part were you hide what you're afraid to say
out loud. You can't let anyone know you're worried about your child
surviving this. We can't take the chance to voice these thoughts. What
kind of parent would you be if we have doubts?
Not all the changes in my life were bad. In fact, some where very positive
changes. I owe these positive changes to my son, Scott. He has taught me
"And This too Shall Pass" and that I must hang it there until it does. He
has taught me to look at my life the gift it is. Now, I make time to "stop
and smell the roses", and the saying "Live each day like it was your last"
makes sense now. I realize bad things can and do happen to good people and
that God is still there even though he gave us these challenges. I now know
that my life is what I make it and I choose to make mine count. Through
everything, Scott has remained strong, positive and comforting. But I
wonder, deep down, down where he can be himself, down where no one can hear
him say those terrible words, "Will I make it, will I win this fight?" I
pray my love will comfort him and make it not so scary? To go on, I must
believe that it does..
For more information call the National Cancer Institute information service
toll free at 1-800-4CANCER or the American Cancer Society at 1-800-ACS-2345.
I called both and can highly recommend them for down to earth information.
