A Mom's Love

Humor

"Top Ten" Questions I have about Laundry
by © Cheryl Moeller

All of us have questions about our laundry. Women used to have their questions answered by their moms, grandmas and neighbors over the backyard fence as they hung their clothes up on the clothesline. I am a stay at home mom of 6 with mountains of laundry to do. These are some of my unanswered questions about laundry.

"Top Ten" Questions I have about Laundry

1) How come no woman I know has time to hang their bed sheets out to dry on a clothesline but has 45 minutes to drive to a Hallmark store to buy a candle named "country sheets?" (Have you ever tried sleeping with the new candle under your pillow? How come the label carries no warning about lighting it under your head?)

2) Why is it socks go in the washing machine as pairs and never come out?

3) How come people say it helps the environment if I wash cloth diapers instead of using Pampers for six children -- but in the end have to dispose of two Maytag washing machines and a dryer from running them night and day? Are these people willing to come and bury my appliances in their backyard?

4) Why did I let my Aunt Lillian talk me into washing my husband's new ties in the washing machine? Why did she smile and promise they would look "better than new?"

5) How come I have to use an entire cannister of Oxyclean on my kids' sports uniform to get a postage stamp of grass stain out each week -- yet they clean an entire carpet covered with sump pump sludge with only two tablespoons on television ads? Can I connect my sump pump to their carpet?

6) How come Metamucil tablets turn into lifesize baskteballs that have a life of their own when they go through the wash if they are left in a pocket? Why do they do the same thing once they are in my digestive system?

7) How come my laundry pile is always taller than I am? How come I often hear the voice of a man from inside the laundry pile who once went into our laundryroom to work on our furnace? Is this the reason his truck has been parked outside for the last three months?

8) How come during the spin cycle my washing machine begins to vibrate with such force and velocity that it “walks” away from the wall? It really does. It reminds me of the robot from “Lost in Space” that used to follow family members waving its arms, “Danger Will Robinson…Danger Will Robinson.

9) How come one night we woke up thinking there was an intruder in our bedroom only to switch on the light and find out it was only our Maytag?

10) How come people ask me what I am going to do with all my time when I don't have all that laundry to do -- knowing full well that I will be dead.

Cheryl Moeller is an outrageous Mom who wants to help save your sanity as a young mother (she's still looking for hers). She's been married to Bob for 28 years (he too believes a mind is a terrible thing to lose). Their six children reluctantly admit Bob and Cheryl are their parents and range in age from 8 to 25 years. They use psuedonames for obvious reasons: Duke, Missy, Pooka, Skippy, Megs and Kenzie. Marriage Minutes, Moody Press, 2000 and For Better, For Worse, For Keeps, Marriagevine Press, 2006. Cheryl has co-authored two books (which some call genius, others mere words on a page). Read more of Cheryl’s comedy at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com. Or you can contact her at momlaughs@gmail to speak at your next event with clean comedy.