I don't know about you, but in my house "No" does NOT mean, "stop," "decease," "desist," "anti-go." My toddlers just don't get it. For that matter, every other parental command is meaningless as well. They all mean the same thing: Do the EXACT opposite.and do it as quickly as possible!

If one toddler is scaling the bookcase, "No" doesn't mean "Get down," it means "Climb higher and faster!"

If the other toddler is taking books out of the same bookcase, "No" means, "Dump as many books on the floor as you can before Momma catches up with you!"

If another toddler is crawling over the barrier to the area behind the television, "No" means "Crawl faster and quickly pull out every cord as fast as you can!"

If still another toddler (I only have two but some days it feels like ten) has gotten into the cookies, "No" and "Stop!" mean, "Quick, eat faster, SHE'S coming!!"

And finally, when it's time to get dressed after a bath, "No," means, "RUN, RUN, RUN!!! Sprint through the house before SHE can put clothes on you!"

Makes me feel a bit like Rodney Dangerfield. I get no respect!

It makes me wonder what power a mom really has. My husband will walk into the room, see chaos and utter ONE command and all FIVE children STOP what they are doing! How is this possible?!

So I was contemplating all this the other day while I was literally half in the freezer, armed with a spoon and my sites set on the quart of chocolate ice cream. You know the moment. It's when the icy sweetness hits the back of your throat and "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, Heaven!"

Well, the toddlers sensed a disturbance in the Force. They KNEW that somewhere in the house I was experiencing some sense of peace and self-gratification. Obviously it was because I wasn't standing over them saying, "No, no, no!" for the umpteenth time.

They soon spied my derriere sticking out of the freezer (we have a side-by-side).

"Hey, Momma, Momma!" They came running expectantly.

"Mnnnfph, mmmmph, nrfff, numphhhh!" I said as I quickly gobbled as much ice cream as I could before they reached me!

(Don't tell me about the role reversal. Don't even suggest that I'm the one they get it from.)

"Cookie? Cookie?" They said, which is their catchall word for "Gimme something good and sweet to eat!"

"No," I said. No explanations and no breaking my heart with their pathetically cute expressions. Just big mean Momma saying "No."

And they got it! For the first time in a long time they understood the word "no." The spoon was now on the other foot!!

So I gobbled up a few more spoonfuls before they were on to me again.

The moral of the story?

You expected one?

Then how about an oldie but a goodie. "Do as I say, not as I do."

"Mnnnfph, mmmmph, nrfff, numphhhh!"

About the Author: Lisa Barker writes amid the chaos and confusion of a busy household. Mom to five kiddos and nine cats, she finds plenty of material to keep the grins and laughs coming. You can read more fun, contact Lisa and sign up for a free subscription at http://www.jellymom.com

 

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