A monthly online magazine chock-full of insightful articles for busy mothers.

by Cheryl Moeller

Matthew 14:19-21 And Jesus commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude. And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full. And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children.

1. I have started carrying fruit or a Ziploc bag of dry cereal with me.
I can’t tell you how many times it has stopped me from getting fast food
or ice cream. I just hand the kids cereal or a banana to stave off their hunger
Now, that it’s summer, we are carrying a small cooler with us, filled with water.

2. When I go to a store, I search online first for a coupon. I did this five
times last week, and found a coupon, for each place I was going. Some
places like Jiffy Lube, will take a competitor’s coupon. You have to arrive
at Jiffy Lube, with the coupon or sale ad. I have taken in coupons from
other oil places for $10 off and Jiffy Lube honors the competitor’s
coupon. Also, go before 10:00 a.m. and save $10 at Jiffy Lube. Then,
there’s amazing friends like the Pedersons and Davenports, who change
their own oil. We have been looking online for coupons, and have found
some amazing deals.

3. Also, when we go to a store or business, we check online to see what their sales are. Then, we are able to compare with other store’s sales. (The only thing to watch for: some places don’t have the same sale in the store, as online.) My friend Nellie tries to limit the number of times in one month, that she enters a store. “Out of sight, out of mind” is her motto. If shopping is your hobby, maybe you better get a new hobby, or head to the “vintage boutiques!”

4. Yes, I know this idea sounds like it’s from the middle ages, but the master mixes are good for savings. I did one up today. I can go to my bakery and buy five muffins for $10 or make 2 dozen for 49 cents, total. hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm Is that a savings? I think so. les-more.html You can google other dry mix recipes, that might appeal more to you. I use canola oil, but then keep the mix in the frig. It will keep for one month, in the frig. The recipe usually call for shortening. You can also use 1/2 whole wheat flour. My friend Elyse makes the Master Mixes and says it does save money and time. She has four kids and needs something quick and cheap in her kitchen repertoire. She is a low maintenance person, so this can’t be that hard to do. Also, if you don’t want to make it from scratch, the master whole wheat mix at Trader Joes is great.

5. Last summer, with gas prices, we took staycations and stayed home, telling our kids that the garage really did look like Universal Studios. This summer try your vacation summer, at a friend’s home. So, beware, I may be driving into your driveway. In other words, “Bless” a friend or family member, with your presence this summer. You are invited to my home also, if you don’t mind six kids and three dogs! We are alot of fun and make a mean pot of potato soup. Bonus for coming to Chicago: kids ride free on the Chicagoland Metra trains, on the weekend.

6. It’s not just inexpensive groceries, but remember it saves to use those to make inexpensive meals.

7. Soups still can be served in all seasons, including the summer. There’s nothing less inexpensive! What other meal boasts of 1/2 water!

Cheryl Moeller is a stand up comic, syndicated mom humor columnist, retreat/conference speaker, and mom of 6. She uses her over-the-counter-top humor to show moms the humor in the everydayness of life. Check out her humor, books, and musings at http://momlaughs.blogspot.com.

by Carol Leifer,
Author of When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror

The people who frequent nude beaches are never the people you want to see naked.
Making love to a woman is like buying real estate — “Location, location, location!”
Never buy expensive thong underwear. One trip through the dryer and it’s a frilly bookmark.
Never put your baby’s length on a birth announcement. It’s a baby, not a marlin.
If you see a woman with a big belly, never ask if she’s pregnant or when she’s due. Trust me.
If you have a garage sale at your house, don’t be afraid to put anything and everything out. (I once sold half a bottle of Listerine.)
Never eat pistachio nuts after getting a French manicure.
When someone says, “To make a long story short,” they’re already too late.
When a waiter asks you to taste the wine and you’re clueless, sip it and then say, “Yeah, that should get me hammered.”
Badly cut bangs do always grow back.
A great birthday gift for a woman you don’t like who’s about to turn forty? Magnifying mirror.
Best job for a woman? Judge. She gets to wear a big black weight-hiding muumuu all day.
Worst job for a woman? Naval recruit. How anyone would have the courage to wear white pants all year is beyond me.
When someone starts a sentence with “No offense . . . ,” you can bet they are about to say something incredibly offensive. (Same goes for “Nothing personal . . .” and “Can I give you some constructive criticism?”)
Tequila should always be sold with an instant camera attached to it so the next day you have some idea of what happened.
Five-minute drum solos are always four and a half minutes too long.
The phrase “good toupee” is an oxymoron.
I believe that we can take the word “morbidly” out of the phrase “morbidly obese.” It seems mean and gratuitous, like calling someone stroke-inducingly plain.
Worst question to ask an elderly person? “How are you feeling?” You’ll be there for days. (Second worst question? “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”)
Someone named Adolph has a hard time dating.
When a salesperson in a clothing store tells you that you look great in something, always remember that they work on commission.
The sunny side of the street is the one with the threat of skin cancer on it.
Never wear high heels to an event if you’re going to be outside on a lawn.
If your thighs make noise while wearing corduroy pants, you need to lose some weight.
If you can tie a cherry stem with your tongue, you are really good at sex.
A witch’s tit is not colder than anyone else’s tit.
When your husband suggests experimenting sexually with multiple “inputs,” politely remind him that you are a woman and not a surge protector.
Never refer to a woman as “ma’am,” even if she’s ninety years old. No one likes it.
You may not rationalize eating an entire pint of ice cream by claiming it was for the calcium.
Never eat at a restaurant that charges for bread.
No one looks good eating a burrito. Not even a porn actress.
A fly in an airplane is very lost.
Men recuperate from the death of a spouse much sooner than women do.
When you offer someone a mint, they will invariably ask, “Why, do I need one?”
Never buy Sweet’N Low, Equal, or Splenda at the supermarket. That’s what restaurants are for.
If you plan on having your lover’s name tattooed on your arm, always leave room before it for a possible “I Hate” down the road.
Why do men have nipples? What’s the point? They’re like plastic fruit.
Professional bodybuilders look like walking challahs.
Never complain about your age to someone older than you.
Director Norman Jewison is ironically not Jewish.
The above is an excerpt from the book When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror by Carol Leifer. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

Excerpted from When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win by Carol Leifer. (c) 2009 by Carol Leifer. Reprinted by arrangement with The Random House Publishing Group.

Author Bio
Author Name, Carol Leifer of When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror, is an accomplished stand-up comedian and an Emmy-nominated writer and producer for her work on such television shows as Seinfeld, The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live, and the Academy Awards. She has starred in several of her own comedy specials, which have aired on HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central. Her “big break” came when David Letterman unexpectedly showed up one night at the Comic Strip in New York City and caught Carol’s show. His visit led to her making twenty-five guest appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. Carol has also been seen on The Tonight Show, Real Time with Bill Maher, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. She starred in and created the WB sitcom Alright Already. She lives in Santa Monica with her partner, their son, and their seven rescue dogs.

For more information please visit www.carolleifer.com

Just some sugestions for Mother’s Day.

Take your mom/wife on a picnic. Pack a lunch. Take some special cheese, cut up some good quality apples, make some sandwiches: peanut butter and jelly for the kids, ham,chicken or turkey with tomato and nice green lettuce, a little of mayo,salt and pepper. Bring along a book of poetry or have kids write some verses for mom and give them to her. Don’t forget some fruit or brownies for dessert and bottled water on ice.
Make sure you do all the clean up.

For something to buy her…Is there something she wants for the house? Maybe a new area rug for thr foyer, a pair of matching lamps for the bedroom, for the family room?
I am getting rugs for my foyer, hall and steps!

Think, did she see some cute sweater she wanted or a special plant for outside? Get it for her now. Buy her that piece of jewelry she pointed out.

Take her and the kids to an outside movie in your community and afterwards go for ice cream.

If it’s still chilly, build her a fire and you and the kids give her a basket of her favorite magazines and let her read while you entertain the kids or put them to bed.

Make a Spa Basket for her:
Some new nail polish, emery boards,toe nail polish kit,soothing tea, an herb face scrub, and again, a book to read.

Does she love to garden?
Get her some gardening tools, her favorite plants, pretty gardening gloves, some special cream to soothe her hands.Place it all in a nice basket.

Does she love to draw? Buy her a sketch pad and some pencils or paint and of course, a book on sketching or painting.

Just start thinking for your own ideas. Think of what she likes or points out to you. Hey, ask the kids. Make this a very special Mother’s Day. I know you can do it.

Barbara Tripp
barbarann@cfl.rr.com

Frustrated, my ten year old daughter, Rebekah, announced, “This time
I’m going to put a dime in the grumble box instead of a penny.”
For several days, her contributions to the grumble box had been more
than anyone else’s in the family.
“Maybe this will last me the rest of the week,” she said.
I was looking for ways to teach my children not to be whiners and
complainers when I came across the grumble box idea from a book
called “Little visits with God” by Allen Hart Jahsmann and Martin P.
Simon.
I also wanted to see a permanent change in their behavior. If my
children weren’t enjoying their lives now, I worried, what was going
to happen when they hit the teenage years? Would they become
apathetic or depressed? Would they be able to handle the temptations
of drugs and alcohol? I believed if their attitude changed now, we
could avoid these problems later on.
Consequently, I bought a piggy bank, labeled it “Grumble Box” and
set it in a prominent area of the house. Whenever anyone
complained, they had to put a penny in the Box. To avoid any
resentment, my husband and I joined in the fun.
Right away, the grumble box began to work like an enormous spotlight.
The weather was too hot or too cold, too dry or too wet. We didn’t
like school work, yard work, or housecleaning. We didn’t have enough
but we had too much clutter.
Apparently we were focusing on unhappiness instead of being content.
Was it any wonder that when stress and a busy lifestyle were added to
this mix my husband, Bill and I, didn’t feel the joy we use to feel?
Or that the big grins that use to be so spontaneous and plentiful on
our children’s faces had dwindled?
By the end of the first week, the changes the grumble box made in our
behavior were astonishing. We became aware of our attitude, our
speech, and how we treated one another. By the end of six months we
had completely changed the atmosphere in our house. We stopped
complaining about trivialities. We thought about what we were going
to say before we said it. We were more considerate of each other in
every respect. We appreciated simple things like sunrises, sunsets
and starry nights. We enjoyed keeping company with each other. We
lightened up and found we could laugh at the things we once
complained about.
I realized the grumble box had done its job, far surpassing my
expectations. I put the grumble box away and never used it again.
The grumble box earned an incredible $20.00. That’s 2000 complaints
that my family of four made during a six month time period. Most of
the complaints occurred during the first three months. Grace, my
youngest daughter, learned the fastest. She saw her older sister
paying in most of her allowance, sometimes having to borrow from her
allowance for the following week. Grace decided early on to use her
money to buy toys for her hamster rather than pay the grumble box.
What surprised me most was how much I complained. The grumble box
helped me realize my daughters complained, in part, because they
learned it from me.
At first we planned to take the money from the grumble box and go out
to eat. But when we heard that a local charity, which cared for
disabled children, needed money, we decided to give the money to
them. This had an unforeseen outcome. We were so moved by the
children we met, that we started volunteering an afternoon a week.
It’s been 15 years since we used the grumble box but the changes it
made in our lives were permanent. Our daughters are now in their
20’s and thankfully their teen age years were free from drugs,
alcohol or depression. Rebekah has been cited by her bosses as being
an inspiration to others for her upbeat, get-the-job-done attitude.
Grace has a special knack for making people feel comfortable and at
ease, both at home and at work.
If you see a need in your family for a grumble box here are a few tips:
1. Don’t charge for legitimate complaints such as someone getting hurt.
2. Parents should participate in the project with their children.
3. Sit down with your family before you set it up to explain what you are
doing and why.
4. Set the grumble box out in the open where it is easily accessed.
5. Set the amount that the complaint costs so the child will notice they
are losing money. We only gave our daughters a quarter per week allowance
so a penny a complaint was felt.
6. Be consistent. There are times when it isn’t convenient but do it
anyway. If you’re away from the house, take note and pay the box when you
return home.

Bio:
Barbara Tripp became inspired to write for children after the birth
of her first grandchild.
Before she entered the world of writing, she was a pre-K thru 12th
grade homeschool teacher, editor of a Christian Education Newsletter
and attended a Christian Education seminar.

The Glue of Society

Johann Christoph Arnold
for Mother’s Day, May 10, 2009

Thank God for mothers! Mother’s Day is an opportunity to make life special
for them. It is a chance to celebrate family. I thank God for my mother,
who died some years ago. There is one thing I regret: for too many years I
did not appreciate her enough and took her for granted. She was always
there for us. I thank God for my wife. We have been married for
forty-three years and have eight children. God has blessed us with
forty-one grandchildren.

Mothers are the backbone of our society and the glue that holds a family
together-their work is vital but often unseen. We all need to show greater
appreciation for them. I pity the man who does not have a good wife to
take care of him.

My favorite Hasidic saying goes, “God could not be everywhere at once, so
he gave each child a mother!” Mothers should be proud to be mothers. It is
a God-given task and privilege. Actually there is a mother’s heart in
every woman, whether married or single. In the past, motherhood was
regarded as the noblest calling of a woman. Today it is too often pushed
aside by more “desirable” occupations such as careers, and seen as an
inconvenience or even an embarrassment.

A true mother thinks day and night about the well-being of her children,
and is the first to praise, comfort and protect them. She is willing to
sacrifice her life for them. The pains of pregnancy and childbirth are
borne by the mother, and she continues to carry the child in her heart her
whole life.

Motherhood is a mystery. It is something truly divine for which every
human heart longs. This is why mothers provide the most powerful influence
on a child’s life, and are the most important role models for positive
change in our society. When anyone is in trouble, or knows that they are
dying, the first person they think of is their mother. When children start
going wrong ways a mother’s prayer is powerful. Mothers remind us that
there is a loving God above us who will take good care of everyone,
especially children. Whenever a tragedy occurs-no matter where in the
world this happens-you will always find mothers both weeping for the dead
and bringing comfort and security to the living.

As we seek to improve the education of our children, let us start by
taking better care of our mothers. This will enable them to provide better
homes for all of us, and ensure the survival of our society. Never before
in our history have so many men abandoned the children they fathered.
Fathers are vanishing from their children’s lives, not just physically,
but legally as well. Therefore, congratulations to all single mothers and
grandmothers who do their best to raise children on their own. They often
struggle under the most difficult circumstances. They are the real heroes
of the family-and not just on Mother’s Day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you!

[ Johann Christoph Arnold is a pastor and author of ten books, which are
available at www.plough.com .]